Don't Worry, I'm Not Dead

I realize I haven't posted in nearly 9 months now (and my posts were growing farther and farther apart all the time before then), but to quell any excited rumors that may be circulating among my most faithful/hateful reader base (just kidding, you guys know who you are), I figured I'd re-launch (if that's a word) this site by first making the point quite clear that I am alive and well (though conspiracy theories may still swirl, particularly since I mysteriously stopped posting two posts after discussing our current president's birth certificate).

So in conclusion, it is in the hopes of relieving some of my readers (and disgusting the rest of them), that I have made this admittedly abbreviated post.

In Christ,
Matthew